Trying to Overcome Fear

Yesterday morning, I woke up and turned on the news as usual.  I always like to catch the weather for the day as well as see what else is going on in the world.  My heart stopped as I heard the story of baby Lisa.  This ten month old girl was tucked into her crib on Monday night and when her daddy went to check on her at around four in the morning, she was gone.  They believe someone came in through her bedroom window and left through the same window, taking only the baby.

I immediately muted the TV and listened.  Often, I can hear H moving around in her crib in the mornings while I nurse M and it was no different this morning.  I could her her crib creaking as she rolled around.  My heart started beating again.  I am still so sad for baby Lisa and am praying for her safe recovery.

Last night as I tucked H into bed, the fear overtook me again.  "What if she's not here in the morning?" I thought.  I even considered having her sleep with me.  My heart racing, I kissed her goodnight and left the room.  I shut the door, but that wasn't the last time I peeked in on her.  Before I went to bed, I looked in, just to make sure all was well.

It was that last time that I realized what I was and was not doing.  I was holding tight to my little girl.  I was thinking that I could protect her.  I was not letting her go.  I was not putting her into God's hands.  This is something I've struggled with since she was born.

If someone were to ask me what my greatest fear is, it is hands down, losing a child.  I don't think I knew what fear was until H was born.  There are times when I'm so fearful that God will send me through that trial that I beg Him not to.  I can't imagine the pain that people go through when they lose a child.  This fear has, at times, overcome me to where I can't even function normally.  H began sleeping through the night very early on.  I would wake up and just stare at her chest willing it to move.  It always did.  I've done the same with M at times.  With both girls, if they'd cough in the night, I jump up and make sure they can breathe okay.

I know that some of this is mothering instinct, but I also know what God has to say about the matter.  We are to dedicate our children to Him.  He wants us to trust Him with their care.  Trust.  That's a hard thing to do when you hold something so dear.

Psalm 32:10

Many sorrows shall be to the wicked;

But he that trusteth in the Lord,

Mercy shall compass him about.

So last night after I shut H's door, I placed her in God's hands again.  I know that His mercy will compass about our home and He will take care of us.  

I'd love to hear how you have placed your children in God's hands and trusted Him.  It's not an easy thing to do.  How have you given your little ones to God?