Becoming Selfless

This past Friday night, my husband and I celebrated our fourth wedding anniversary.  We left H with my parents, went out to eat, came home and relaxed for a while, went for a walk at McCoy Park, got ice cream, and played games.  Then we went to bed and slept with the knowledge that we could sleep as long as our hearts desired without being awakened by the cry of a baby.  Brian slept a little later than normal, but I was peacefully asleep until 8:30...MUCH later than normal!  I got up, dawdled around the house, took a nice, long shower, dried my hair, and made breakfast.  It really reminded me of Saturday mornings before H arrived.

H playing with her grandpa on her first overnight.

Then I started thinking about how my life has really changed in the last ten years or so.  Ten years ago, I was sixteen.  Still under my parent's authority, still living at home, still doing chores.  I thought I was independent, but I wasn't anywhere near.  I thought mostly of myself and it was that way through the first couple years of college.  I tried to do whatever I pleased while still making my parents happy, after all, I was living under their roof and they were paying for my college, car, gas, insurance, etc.  I should at least try to keep them happy.  There were times when I really did care, but mostly, I was a pretty selfish person.

Fast forward to the time I was twenty.  I went away to college.  At this point, my parents were still paying for everything, but I had gained such an appreciation for them.  I don't know what changed exactly except that I spent a lot of time growing up.  My relationships during that time helped me grow up and appreciate the wisdom of my parents.  I think more importantly, I learned to fully trust God with my future and rely on Him for all my needs.  Although I was more independent at this point, being able to stay out late, and get into all manner of mischief, I did not.  I had a respect for my parents, but beyond that, I had a respect for God and didn't want to experience the typical college life.  During my two years away at college, I continued to grow up.  I spent a lot of time in the scriptures and a lot of time growing with my church friends in understanding.  I did have a lot of fun in college, after all, many times, classes didn't start until noon, so we would stay up playing games until two in the morning and once in a while make a run off campus for smoothies around midnight.  But that is as out of control as my college years got.  I'm proud of the choices I made then, but I guess the point I'm trying to make here is that I still didn't really have any responsibilities.  Although I cared deeply for my family, I really didn't have anyone to worry about other than myself.

Two years later, at twenty-two, I was married.  I was ready to get married, so the responsibility of being a wife was not a shock to me and I loved it!  All of a sudden, there was someone else to think about all the time.  Someone else to consider when making plans and going about daily life.  It was quite a change, but since I had prepared myself, it was a welcome one.  There were now two people to consider.  Brian and I really enjoyed our first three years of marriage.  We went out, watched movies, played games, and just spent a lot of time together quite often.

After those three years, H made her arrival and boy did things change then!  Not only was there another person in the house, that person set her own agenda and there was no arguing!  Mealtimes, outings, bedtimes, everything revolved around her.  After a time, she did get on a schedule, but life still revolves around that schedule.  We try to be home, or at least headed home, early enough in the evening that it doesn't totally throw off bedtime.  If she's hungry, we drop everything and eat.  I schedule my daily activities around her naps.  And you know what?  I love it!  I love being a mom.  I feel like I'm so much better a person now that I so rarely think about myself.

Through the years, God has been teaching me to love without limits.  I'm able to put my whole self into raising this little child because He has prepared me every step of the way.  It was so nice to have a morning off, and sometimes I complain about the time H takes, but I wouldn't go back to life before H even if I had EVERY morning off!  Children are such a blessing.  They teach us so many things and what I realized Friday night that I've learned is selflessness.  Being selfless instead of selfish.  And what blessings we receive through the learning of that lesson!