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Candle in the Night

Tuesday, June 7, 2011


There are many, many things that could stand to be done around the house right now.  H has toys that need picked up, the kitchen table needs cleared, the breakfast dishes are sitting in the sink, the bed needs made, M's room needs work, and I'm still in my pj's.  I'm behind on the 31 day challenge.  I am on the chapter about motivation.  Yesterday was about energy.  I have neither.

Now, I could blame this on being pregnant.  My belly is huge.  I'm in that uncomfortable stage.  I don't sleep well at night.  I can't bend over to pick stuff up anyway.

But, I shouldn't blame it on pregnancy.  When I was pregnant with H, I taught school up until the very end. I graded papers, cleaned up the classroom, went to meetings, and somehow dealt with 20-some fifth graders who were not the most respectful batch to say the least.  So if I was able to do that during my last pregnancy, why is it that all I want to do this time around is sit on the couch??

I think the answer is that all I wanted to do the last time around was sit on the couch.  But I didn't have that luxury.  I was being held accountable.  I didn't want to get in trouble, so I worked even though I didn't want to.

I think my biggest problem here is that there is no one who will be getting mad at me if I don't do my job.  Brian is very supportive.  If I say I was tired and it was a bad day, he believes me and we just move on from there.  I appreciate that because many times, it's true.  Many days that I am motivated, things still turn out poorly and he is very supportive.

No, no one is getting on to me if I slack off.  But I still hate doing it.  It makes me mad at myself and I know God does not like it either.

So here's the problem.  The cycle I seem to be stuck in.  At night, I work to keep H happy, I work on dinner, I do the dishes, I go, go, go until H goes to bed around 7:30 or 8:00.  Then, I spend time chatting with Brian or getting things ready for the following day.  Brian and I usually sit down around 9:00 and watch Star Trek together (I know, we're nerds).  After that, he goes to bed and I should too.  But I really savor that time late at night when the house is quiet and I know I'm not in a rush to get things done before H gets up.  Sometimes I watch TV for another hour.  Sometimes I get on the computer.  One way or another, I end up being up until 11:00 many nights.  Lately, it's gotten even worse because I take my heartburn medicine so late that I'm sitting up waiting for it to kick in.  And then H wakes up at 6:00 or 6:30 and I'm tired the rest of the day and have a very hard time getting motivated to do anything.

So here's my plan of action.  I'm setting an alarm on my phone today to remind me to take my last Tums at 8:00.  No more after that since I have to wait an hour to take my Zantac.  Then, I'm setting another alarm for 9:00 to take the Zantac.  Hopefully, that way, by the time Brian is ready to go to bed, my stomach will be settled enough to lay down.

As for my me-time, I am just going to have to learn to do without it.  I usually get two good naps out of H during the day and though I usually feel rushed through them, it'll have to be enough because I NEED my sleep!

Hopefully, this extra hour (or more) of sleep will help me with my energy level throughout the day.  I know in the past it has.  As for today, I'm just going to have to plug through and get enough done so that I'm not totally behind for tomorrow!



At June 7, 2011 at 2:44 PM , Blogger Sarah Marie said...

You know, as much as I miss Stuart when he is traveling, I do find that I get to bed earlier when he isn't here. I do something simple for dinner (and usually do more grazing during the day to keep up my energy), have fewer dishes to do, and don't have anyone to hang out with in the evening -- so I go to bed. Leads to more energy the next day, which is a good thing since I don't have anyone to take Eric off my hands toward the end of the day when I'm getting exhausted! I guess the moral here is that sleep is good. :)


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