Being a stay at home mom is hard. And sometimes, I just need a break. This morning, I had the joy of scanning in (with a new scanner that I've never used before) all of our documentation for Medi-Share and emailing it to them. In the mean time, my girls were getting hungrier and grumpier. Hannah ended up in a screaming time-out for lying.
She told me she didn't have anything in her mouth. I didn't even ask if she had anything in there. Just just volunteered the lie.
Five minutes later, I notice her turning something over in her mouth. It was a rock. A rock she didn't want me to know about.
So she sat in time out...screaming mad. I went in after a few minutes and went through the whole process and talked her through why we don't lie and how God wants us to be honest. She said she was sorry and prayed and told God she was sorry. I thought it went really well.
I closed with, "I love you, Hannah." And she replied with that cute little sly smile,
"I don't love you."
"That's not very nice, Hannah. I know you're teasing, but that's not a very nice thing to tease about."
"Hannah, can you be nice to Mommy? Mommy loves you."
"Okay, fine. Come see me when you're ready to be nice."
And I walked out. And the crying began again. (Hers, not mine.)
So...I know that probably wasn't a good way to handle things. I'm not perfect; I can admit it. Eventually, she came out and said she was ready to be nice and told me she loved me. The whole thing was ridiculous since I knew she was just teasing, but I just don't want not loving someone to be something we tease about.
(And then...I wasn't able to finish this blog. So the rest of this is written the next morning.)
All this and we hadn't even had breakfast yet. During all three meals yesterday, I was reminded of the line from A Christmas Story where Ralphie says, "My mother had not had a hot meal to herself in fifteen years." Okay, so it hasn't been fifteen years for me, but probably two. I really wonder if I'll ever have one (when I'm not out on a date with Brian) ever again.
I can think of several other stories to tell about my great day yesterday, but I'll spare you. That's not the point of this anyway. The point is, while I was making lunch, I was thinking about how hard this is. I often have a chiding voice - Satan's voice - pop into my head while I'm feeling sorry for myself that says, "You said you wanted this life." It's a condemning voice. Usually I just ignore it, but yesterday was pretty bad. I found myself thinking,
"But I didn't know what I was getting into!"
And that thought was enough to pull me out of my funk. Of course I didn't know what I was getting into! No one does! But you know what?
I wouldn't trade it for the world!