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Candle in the Night

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Being a SAHM is Hard

Being a stay at home mom is hard.  And sometimes, I just need a break.  This morning, I had the joy of scanning in (with a new scanner that I've never used before) all of our documentation for Medi-Share and emailing it to them.  In the mean time, my girls were getting hungrier and grumpier.  H ended up in a screaming time-out for lying.

She told me she didn't have anything in her mouth.  I didn't even ask if she had anything in there.  Just just volunteered the lie.

Five minutes later, I notice her turning something over in her mouth. It was a rock.  A rock she didn't want me to know about.

So she sat in time out...screaming mad.  I went in after a few minutes and went through the whole process and talked her through why we don't lie and how God wants us to be honest.  She said she was sorry and prayed and told God she was sorry.  I thought it went really well.

I closed with, "I love you, H."  And she replied with that cute little sly smile,

"I don't love you."

"That's not very nice, H.  I know you're teasing, but that's not a very nice thing to tease about."

No response.

"H, can you be nice to Mommy?  Mommy loves you."

No response.

"Okay, fine.  Come see me when you're ready to be nice."

And I walked out.  And the crying began again.  (Hers, not mine.)

So...I know that probably wasn't a good way to handle things.  I'm not perfect; I can admit it.  Eventually, she came out and said she was ready to be nice and told me she loved me.  The whole thing was ridiculous since I knew she was just teasing, but I just don't want not loving someone to be something we tease about.

(And then...I wasn't able to finish this blog.  So the rest of this is written the next morning.)

All this and we hadn't even had breakfast yet.  During all three meals yesterday, I was reminded of the line from A Christmas Story where Ralphie says, "My mother had not had a hot meal to herself in fifteen years."  Okay, so it hasn't been fifteen years for me, but probably two.  I really wonder if I'll ever have one (when I'm not out on a date with Brian) ever again.

I can think of several other stories to tell about my great day yesterday, but I'll spare you.  That's not the point of this anyway.  The point is, while I was making lunch, I was thinking about how hard this is.  I often have a chiding voice - Satan's voice - pop into my head while I'm feeling sorry for myself that says, "You said you wanted this life."  It's a condemning voice.  Usually I just ignore it, but yesterday was pretty bad.  I found myself thinking,

"But I didn't know what I was getting into!"

And that thought was enough to pull me out of my funk.  Of course I didn't know what I was getting into!  No one does!  But you know what?

I wouldn't trade it for the world!  

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4 Comments:

At January 22, 2013 at 7:32 AM , Blogger Renee said...

Thank you, Jessica!

When I went to college, all I ever wanted to be was a wife and mother, a mother that stayed home with her children.

I have had several opportunities where I have been home with the children. First, when we just had Henry. I was BORED! I got cabin fever. I HAD to get out of the house.

Now, I find myself in that time of life again, only with Henry and Clara. Some how it is different. I do truly enjoy being home with the children. However, you are right: it IS hard. In so many different ways. However, I have to believe that God is smiling upon us for making the sacrifice to be home with our children and raise them in righteousness. Yes, despite our best efforts, we may fail. But that is where God's grace comes in and carries us. Hang in there! It is so worth it.

Renee

 
At January 22, 2013 at 10:36 AM , Anonymous Elyse McLeod said...

I know those feelings. Right now it is hard for me to talk about or look for our next home. Because I have no income, our next home budget is very small compared to many of my friends. I'm fighting jealousy and that it's not fair...but this is part of the sacrafice I made so that I could stay home and love and teach my own children. (Instead of someone else's) I get so frustrated that I won't get what I want in our next house, but try so hard to remember that I am getting what I want by being a SAHM. It is definitely a struggle.

 
At February 4, 2013 at 1:29 PM , Blogger Paula @ Beauty Through Imperfection said...

I love your honesty here! I have had SO many days like that in the past 2 years of motherhood. And I'm sure I'll have many more ;)

loved hearing your story and encouragement! <3

 
At February 7, 2013 at 12:49 AM , Anonymous Sarah G said...

When I was a kid - in fact, until I left home at the age of 18 - my mother did not allow us to say "Shut up" or "I hate you", even in jest. Not to her, not to my father, and not to anyone else in our family. My friends thought my mother was super-strict, but I think it ended up making us more intentional with language, especially in the home - and I think that has all kinds of value in the long term.

So I think it's great that you made it very plain to your daughter that saying "I don't love you", even in a teasing way, is just not cool in your house.

(My mother also didn't allow us to say 'yeah' instead of 'yes', or leave the Gs off verbs like 'singing' and 'dancing', or say "So, like..." as a preface to a sentence - but she was strict with grammar in general and that's another story!)

 

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